Boy, is that a loaded word. It's a word that I've spent a lot of time lately thinking about. It's a word that the vast majority of my peers struggle to discern. It's a word that churches spend thousands of dollars attempting to define and deploy to their congregations. It's a word, that with two changed vowels, would be a fun-loving aquatic mammal.
"So, Jake, why do you bring this up?" you ask. I shall anti-climatically tell you. I met with the director of the National Weather Service in Memphis, Jim, today to discuss volunteer opportunities. While we certainly talked about volunteering, we spoke at length about my strengths and weaknesses and about my plans after college (especially undergraduate studies). Of particular interest were my skills in math (which are quite poor and which I told Jim about), and he told me (something to the effect of), "God has given you gifts that you cannot realize fully yet. You are starting to understand them in college now to focus your studies, but some of these gifts you won't realize for quite some time. They may not be like everyone else's, but that's what makes you you."
(Pretty deep for a meeting to discuss helping with a weather camp, huh?)
I seem to have lost my understanding of this loaded word – purpose – sometime ago. While I have spent a great deal of time thinking about my career, I have spent miniscule amounts of time to think of my purpose. I've almost completely ignored this word.
College (and life in general) has a way of zapping every ounce of reflectiveness that I have. I sit and listen to friends and other acquaintances who share what God has been teaching them lately. However, I rarely slow down enough to hear God's voice.
What is God telling me about this summer? Before the summer even began, several plans I had made had changed and left me wondering what my purpose for these three months would be. In a spirit of honesty, even now, I feel like I have very little impact on God's kingdom by answering phones. Don't get me wrong; I'm very happy to be working at my church with people that love God and do everything they can to spread the message of God's love to the masses.
But, I don't feel like I belong with them. I feel like I'm taking up space, that I'm not needed. I was reminded of that thought both directly and indirectly today. I was reminded that some people still perceive me as a kid who doesn't know anything. (My generation doesn't do me any favors in this category, either.) This act wounded me as a person who thrives on other people's affirmation. They did what I've done so many times – made a first impression of me without taking the time to learn my name.
By thinking about this word in short-term contexts as well as long-term options, I've learned several things:
- No person or institution deserves my whole trust but God. While many people are well-meaning and do not intend to violate this trust, mankind is imperfect.
- I should never make judgments based on my first impression of someone without getting to know them. (Now, I should never make judgments of any kind, but refer to the last point.)
- One simple remark can cut very deep wounds without you realizing anything happened.
(I apologize if this post does not have structure, is rambling, or is just plain stupid. I just felt like typing without a 5-point plan. Peace and blessings.)
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