Spring Break, Free Hugs, Wimples, Broiled Eels, and Santa

Note: I began writing this post over a month ago, and then I forgot about it. Because I seemed to be going in a right direction, I decided to finish it today in an attempt to further procrastinate studying for my final exams.

It's Spring Break 2011. Thank goodness. After two months of tests, coldness, routines, and intense stress, we get nine whole days to forget everything we've learned. Because I have already deleted the useless knowledge from Physics II and Calculus III, and I have no pressing schoolwork to complete during these blissful days, I feel it necessary to blog. Also, my good (and new) friend Andrew is one of the three people that read this blog, and he really wants to read something new.

First of all, like a good blogger, I will discuss what I will do during Spring Break: absolutely nothing. I am not visiting family or tropical locales; I am not going on a mission trip; I am not working. In fact, I don't even think I will wear clothes for half the week (when my parents are away from the house, that is).

So, that's the only interesting subject that I can concoct in my boring head. So, I googled "blog topics" and found an article entitled "100 Blog Topics I Hope YOU Write." Since the author yelled at me, I figure I am required to write about it. Instead of writing an entire blog on one topic, I will write a sentence or two on some of my favorite suggested topics. Plus, the picture of the author further persuaded me to use his list.

• "Ways to Embrace My Audience" I can embrace my audience by hugging each person. I am a firm believer in free hugs. However, the readers of this blog are the only people eligible to receive a free hug from me. Just so I know you read this, you must precede your hug with the word "borborygmus". Otherwise, you will be charged $5.
• "My Mother is on Facebook" She is.
• "Ten Guilty Pleasures" #1-9: Season 25: Oprah Behind the Scenes. #10: Miss Congeniality.
• "Handling Critics" In the words of my favorite Memphis, TN politician, Willie W. Herenton, I "shake off the haytas." A person will criticize me only once.

Though the poster had 100 topics, the four topics above were the only good ones. However, I found another article of his that has Mad Libs-type blog suggestions. Of course I had to use these. However, I decided to make it interesting and use words from one of the most useless websites on the internet to fill in the blanks.

• "How ___ is like _____." My version: "How blooping is like a wimple." First, let's define these words. Blooping is a derivative of the transitive verb bloop, as in blooper, which means "an embarrassing public blunder." Wimple can either mean "a head covering worn by a nun several hundred years ago" or "a curve or bend." Now, how do these two words form a simile? It's obvious! If your nose is wimpling, you could potentially injure those around you by poking them in the eye. That would be an embarrassing social faux pas.
• "Your first steps into ______." My version: "Your first steps into spitchcock." According to Webster's 1828 Dictionary, spitchcock is "an eel split and broiled." Now, most Americans do not eat broiled split eel, so here are some steps for preparing and eating it, courtesy of Trifood.com:
• Remove the bones, intestines, and head prior to cooking. (Side note: who knew that eels had bones?)
• Marinate in a sweet and tangy sauce for the best flavor.
• For those who are health-conscious (obviously, non-Americans, and especially, non-Mississippians), eel is high in protein, calcium, and vitamins A and E.
• This website does provide a thoughtful reminder: "Fact: Eel have high content in protein and fat so it can take a long time to fully digest this fish." Meaning: don't eat it at midnight, Bryan Snow.
• "How do I _______?" My version: "How do I piffle?"Webster's 1913 Dictionary tells us that piffle is a verb that means "to be sequeamish [sic] or delicate." What makes me squeamish?
• Wasps, bees, and other stinging insects
• Thunderstorms, tornadoes, and other severe weather (My fear of this type of weather makes me very interested in it.)
• Becoming obese
• Commitment
• Misspelled lyrics and other tech errors during worship services, such as "Jesus is alice" and "Santa has no authority here." (Neither of those blunders occurred under my direction.)
• "If you find yourself stuck, try _____." My version: "If you find yourself stuck, try agglomeration." Agglomeration means "the act of winding into a ball." An example: On his blog, Jon Acuff once wrote about the awkward conversation that sometimes happens when someone shares with you some difficulty in their lives. He discussed the problem with saying, "I'll pray for you," and then not following through. He suggested some other actions to take, including saying the phrase "Razzle Dazzle" or throwing candy at them. Agglomeration would also work well in this case. When they begin unloading on you, without mention or facial expression, lay on the ground and curl up. Winding into a ball in this instance sure would look stupid, but you would escape this awkward situation and thus avoid lying to the person.